And now there are “27 ways to feel bad about yourself while the last piece of Christmas pudding you’ve” fulfilled “continues to make its way through the gut …”
As the new year begins, you’ll notice that with no room to breathe, what was once a news feed saturated with sequins, combs, and party dishes becomes an explosion in the seams with resistance bands, Nutri bullets and all sorts of “New Year’s Eve,” New Rhetoric. “
If that works for you, great. If not, keep reading …
If you find all of this relentless (and sometimes negative), join the club. I decided I was done. I clicked the “unsubscribe” button and it’s incredibly liberating.
“New Year, New Year” regimes are framed in a way that seems motivating, uplifting, and encouraging. The reality is that they are designed to sell gym members and clean up juices at a time when they are more marketable and we are more vulnerable. The sheer volume and speed of this type of content coming at us from all angles (while we’re still polishing the last of the chopped cakes) can make us feel like we’ve already failed in the first few minutes of the new course.
Eh, take a second. We still have a lot of cakes to polish.
Image: Claire Gillo / PhotoPlus Magazine via Getty Images
Add to the mix the pressure of New Year’s resolutions, which suggest that, regardless of our current situation, we have much to improve; that we need to be better. We are encouraged to set a new set of goals, towards which to move in the hope of finding what we all want: happiness. We have just finished the last verse of Auld Lang Syne and we are already exhausted, defeated and plagued with festive guilt.
But here’s a thought: instead of subscribing to what has become a very tired narrative, this year, let January be yours. There are so many reasons why you might consider it.
1. You can start anything at any time.
Although the first month of the year offers us a convenient new beginning, it remains as arbitrary as the beginning of any other week, also Monday. January doesn’t have to be * the * specific month where we all make massive tandem changes. I started exercising regularly two years ago in November. It was irrelevant to me that Christmas was coming. I knew that if I chased him in January (when everyone on social media competes to outdo each other), I would feel unnecessary extra pressure.
2. January is gloomy enough.
Unless you read this from the southern hemisphere, January is the most miserable month of the year. If we were bones in the woods, we would be deep in hibernation and smuggle comfortable food to enjoy between naps. Can we at least choose a lighter time of year to insist on being so hard on ourselves? Here’s an idea: what if you rethink January as the month to be kind to yourself? Instead of a “New Year, New”, how about a “New Year, perfectly-as-good-as-you-are”?
Before the fireworks end, people are on the wheel of new regimes … uh.
Image: Vickie Flores / Anadolu Agency / Getty Images
3. Farewell to social comparison.
It may seem like everyone gets up at 5am to do yoga seven days a week while not being able to crawl to the gym even once. Or people’s porridge bowls look like a perfect work of art for Pinterest, while yours look like something the dog threw away. But this way of thinking is not unusual. Since the beginning of time, we have compared ourselves to others to get an idea of how well (or not) we are doing, or as a measure of our personal worth. The arrival of a new year gives rise to this kind of comparison in even greater doses. I call it “social comparison of speed.”
The thing is, with social comparison, someone will always come out on top. And that also means there will be someone at the bottom: you or the person you’re comparing yourself to. It creates a culture of solidity, which will inevitably take a negative turn. Nothing good can be taken out of it; I assure you. Either you feel inadequate or with the feeling of being better than someone else.
4. Know the time comparison
Yes, it is possible that someone else climbed Everest before you even felled your Christmas tree, but it’s you and not them. Instead of comparing our reality with the most prominent reel of all the others, this January you choose something more positive and realistic: the temporal comparison.
According to renowned American psychologist Leon Festinger, the “temporary comparison” is when you compare yourself today with yourself from another era, rather than doing it now with someone else. It’s more “look how far you’ve come” than “look how better they are than you”. It encourages you to establish yourself in your own lane, at your own pace, on your own journey, taking into account everything related to you and yourself alone.
Having struggled with paralyzing anxiety a few years ago, to the point that I couldn’t leave my home for fear of having a panic attack, I now see it as a personal improvement and a success that I can follow my own. life without hyperventilating in a paper bag. For someone who has never felt the weakest anxiety, feeling good in a crowded mall would not be even a small victory, but for me it is. Everything is relative.
5. Goals are not everything.
For all the self-help books in the world and for all the philosophers and poets who try to answer the question of what happiness really is, it can be basically devoted to this: it is about moments. The entre-entre. The here and now. With that in mind, I’m reconsidering this whole January goal setting business. Listen to me.
Instead of letting myself be guided to achieve a certain goal, which for one person could get a promotion and for another, get a certain amount of followers on social media, I decided to let myself be driven first by the type of life I want to live: my lifestyle. It’s not what I want to have, or where I want to get to, but how I want to spend my time, right now, next week, and so on. If more money means a job that involves more stress and there is no time to do the things I enjoy, I will ask myself: is this a goal that will have a positive impact on my happiness? I do not think so.
It’s not just about the destination. Travel and how you spend your time are also important.
Image: flickr Editorial / Getty Images
6. It is true what they say; it’s all about the journey
The journey to an elusive goal is as important as the destination. When you take a goal off your list, you may experience a temporary increase in happiness or satisfaction, but you will inevitably find yourself with a level of satisfaction (or lack thereof) dictated by the quality of your daily lifestyle as well. as your perspective. In the world of psychology it is known as “hedonic adaptation.” From Netflix Happy the 2011 documentary makes a compelling argument for this.
These are the moments. He enters. The here and now.
I know too many people so focused on goals struggling to enjoy the calm between these peaks and troughs. When they achieve their goals, they don’t know exactly what to do about it. And so, they are already on to the next thing.
What will you make the most of your moments? At what cost will you achieve these isolated goals? Goals certainly have their place and can be a great motivator, but instead of achieving what you think will make you happy, let your goals inform you of the kind of moments you want to have.
Therefore, if you insist on resolving do something, do this: make it easy for yourself, make your own benchmark for success. And think about the kind of lifestyle you want to live. Happy New Year.
Caroline Foran is a journalist and best-selling author of “Own It: Your Pocket Free Guide to Living with Anxiety“i”The Confidence Kit: Your Bullsh * t-Free Guide to Owning Your Fear“.
