It was a bespoke story by Jimmy Kimmel, who has never been shy about his absolute hatred of Ted Cruz. And Thursday night, he spent most of his monologue entering the Texas senator to escape his frozen state devastated by what ended up being a short-lived getaway to Cancun.
“On behalf of all of us we want to send our best wishes from Los Angeles to those of you who have been marked by the cold,” the night host began. “Hundreds of thousands of jeans are still powerless. And on a day when the most prominent landing should have been the NASA Rover that landed successfully on Mars, instead, it was a Texas senator that landed in Cancun. “
“While his fellow Texans freeze with the exit from power, Ted Cruz did what any great leader would do when his state needed more leadership,” Kimmel continued. “He booked a flight to Mexico and said,‘ Goodbye, friends! “
From there, he fell running to the point where the situation is on the ground in Texas, where roads are impassable, toilets are frozen, and people burn their furniture to keep warm. “And where was Mr. Texas while his electorate suffered?” Kimmel asked. “Well, here it is, snake on a plane right there! He went, ironically, to the same place where he tried to build a wall around it ”.
At first, Kimmel explained, he wasn’t sure if the photos that appeared on social media were really of the Texas senator “or just a man with a terrible medical condition called” Ted Cruz-like. ”
“But, I didn’t want to post until I knew for sure it was him,” he said. My wife spent two whole hours studying pictures last night, matching photos of her shoes, mask, and wedding ring. It was like being in bed with Sherlock Holmes. “
Eventually, reporters began to confirm that it was him on the fly. “So he loads his family on a plane to get out of town, and unfortunately he’s been on TV kissing Trump’s ass so much and for so long, that everyone recognizes him even with a mask on.” said Kimmel. “They post all these photos of him and there is so much reaction that he has no choice but to immediately book a flight home.”
“Hypocrisy is off the charts!” added. “This is the guy who two months ago attacked the mayor of Austin for going to Mexico.” But that was not all. Kimmel also asked Cruz to mock Governor Gavin Newsom for being “unable to perform even the basic functions of civilization, such as having reliable electricity,” and attacked Chris Christie for going to New Jersey Beach. order close.
“But why settle for just being the biggest hypocrite on the planet when you can also be a world-class liar?” asked the host, before meticulously breaking the initial statement in which Cruz blamed his two young daughters for the whole debacle.
“With school canceled for the week, our girls asked to take a trip with friends,” Cruz said. “Wanting to be a good father, I flew with them last night and flew again this afternoon.”
“Now, I was careful not to say I planned to go back this afternoon because I wasn’t,” Kimmel explained. “He just said he did, and in fact NBC News has a source who says he was originally booked to fly again on Saturday. He booked the return ticket at 6 a.m. this morning after it was “But I guess we were supposed to believe that he was accompanying his wife and children to Mexico and that he planned to return the next day all day … with a handbag stuffed like a piñata.”
The host also took a moment to make fun of people who excused Cruz’s lies, such as “an idiot” named “Dinesh De-Douche-a,” who tweeted, “What could @tedcruz do if he was here? “If you’re in Cancun, that means you don’t use valuable energy, food, and water resources that can now be used by someone else. This is probably the best thing you could do for the State right now.
“And over 10,000 people liked it” this statement! “What a country this is,” exclaimed Kimmel.
But since “for the most part, even though no one was buying this story about going back to work,” he said, “Ted decided to come clean up,” admitting the trip was a “mistake” and that the stopped the reaction. “He also claimed that his struggle to be the biggest father in the world put him in a position that he realized was not good just a couple of hours too late.”
Speaking to reporters away from home when he returned, Cruz said he “started thinking about it almost the moment” he sat down on the plane.
“Yeah, as soon as people started posting pictures of him on the plane, he looked up and knew he shouldn’t be on the plane,” Kimmel replied. “How did you think you would come up with this? You know your judgment is terrible when this haircut is only the third worst decision you made this month. “
“Well, at least his vacation was ruined,” Kimmel concluded before urging viewers to send an “ABC 13” text message to 41444 to donate money for the Texas relief.
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