The Earth has today received words of separation from Jeff Bezos, as a soon-to-be-earlier Amazon’s CEO turned his shoulder as he walked slowly toward the rocket launch pad and observed, heck, do you really need to change that dump? I mean, Christ, look at you.
The message was transcribed in a file Press release included in Amazon’s annual shareholder letter, which is slated to be the last of the founder’s investor submissions while serving as CEO. Bezos wrote that future leadership really needs to do better for its employees:
Is your presidency consoled by the result of the recent union vote in Bessemer? No, he doesn’t. I think we need to do a better job for our employees. Although the voting results were uneven and our direct relationship with employees is strong, I am aware that we need a better vision on how we create value for employees: a vision for their success.
Or, rather, think of some ideas on how to give employees some kind of additional success value not specified at the top existing success which the Amazons should appreciate. Those employees who spoke to the media and picked up settlements for alleged unfair labor practices do not broadcast the full picture seen from the high point of view of the richest man in the world:
If you read some of the news reports, you might think we don’t care about employees. In these reports, our employees are sometimes accused of desperate souls and treated like robots. This is not accurate. They are sophisticated and thoughtful people who have options of where to work. When we survey compliance center employees, 94% say they would recommend Amazon to a friend as a job.
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“Treating Us Like Robots” is the title of an AP news report printed in the Washington Post, owned by Jeff Bezos.
Earth, you have a lot of problems.
After the shipment, Bezos addressed an army of non-union workers loading the cargo ship with pairs of caged animal mats and a wooden box with the brand TOP SECRET: ARMY INTEL 9906753: DO NOT OPEN! Come on in, losers, we’ll go to the space city! cried, and some may have heard, but cannot confirm, the words, “Begin the total annispinning in 3, 2 …”
The rest was inaudible.