Every year around this time, some of us approach the changing calendar in the way Charlie Brown approaches football in the classic Peanuts drawing. Although Lucy has tricked him before and eliminated the ball every time at the last minute, he hopes this time it will be different. Similarly, despite the very mixed trajectory of New Year’s resolutions, we do them over and over again, somehow hoping that this time will be different.
This year, let’s not fool ourselves again. Deceive me once I embarrass you. Deceive me twice ashamed of myself. New Year’s resolutions are a flawed way to achieve an admirable goal: to become the best version of ourselves.
Research on the effectiveness of New Year’s resolutions is inaccurate. One poll finds that four out of five people will end up violating their resolutions. Another to study reports a higher success rate. They both agree that about a third of the resolutions do not reach the first month.
There are a couple of reasons why the resolutions caused us disappointment. First, we underestimate how long it takes to get into a bad habit or adopt a good one. Popular wisdom says it takes 21 days. Despite this, studies indicate that, on average, it takes about 66 days before a new habit becomes automatic.
Second, people tend to make long lists of great habits they want to change, such as losing weight, saving more money, doubling their income, and quitting smoking or drinking. Each of these goals involves a strong ascent that requires considerable effort. We overflow by focusing on substantial changes on the road instead of making small changes in the here and now.
Start with the intention
I encourage clients to put less pressure on themselves by developing the habit of making regular daily, weekly, and monthly intentions instead of making a big ordeal about painful resolutions. Similarly a attitude of gratitude it should be a year-round practice rather than being set aside for a day, setting intentions to improve ourselves will be more sustainable if we spread the effort throughout the year.
The distinction between goals and intentions is more than semantic. One intention is more forgiving, without the built-in dynamic of success or failure that seems to come with New Year’s resolutions. The idea of intention honors effort and process, not just results.
For example, we could adopt a long-term goal of reducing stress by practicing meditation. This is a worthy goal and not always easy to achieve. However, on a daily basis, our intention may be to sit for two minutes and pay attention to breathing. I tell my clients that there is no such thing as a bad meditation session. There is no failure. Whenever you choose to sit quietly and, depending on the type of meditation, focus on your intention, breath, or mantra, it is a success.
Start here and now
Although goals refer to the future, the intention is rooted in the present. The future is full of unknowns and therefore can generate anxiety. The present keeps us on the ground.
Establishing an intention begins with mindfulness. I work with clients in a simple but powerful three-step method called PBC:
- Pause. Stop what you are doing. Take a short break and register with yourself.
- Breathe. Breathe consciously to make yourself present and connect to the ground. Reset.
- Choose. Make a conscious choice about the intent of that day, week, or month.
Ask yourself:
- How do I want to feel? (it can be today, this week, or for something specific, that is, a project, event, or trip).
- What do I want? Alternatively, what do I want to achieve?
- How will I know when I have this? What do I need to feel, think, see or hear?
- What resources do I have available and what do I need to achieve this?
- What steps should I take?
Intended Objectives (GWI)
Goals motivate us, provide structure, and give meaning and purpose to our lives. However, when combined with intention, GWI (intentional goals) we get the best of both worlds. GWI pushes us towards our future self, keeping us firmly planted in our present self. That way life doesn’t happen to us while we plan for the future.
A study tends to stick with long-term goals find, when future rewards are balanced with immediate rewards. These rewards tend to be more experiential in nature. These are processes rather than results. For example, a long-term goal may be to obtain additional credentials for our area of expertise. An immediate reward would be the pleasure and excitement of learning something new.
Focusing on the process and small daily intentions helps us avoid being overwhelmed by ambitious long-term goals. We know our GWIs are there, but we organize our days in gradual, progressive steps and learn to enjoy the journey without worrying too much about the destination.
Let your heart and mind work together
Thinking of GWI is not just about striking a balance between the future and the present, but also between the heart and the mind.
Since goals exist in the future and are in a way an abstraction, they are more than a product of the mind. Intentions, rooted in our immediate experience of the present, tend to come from the heart. Why should we limit ourselves to mind-based goals or heart-centered intentions when we can have both? If we develop a regular practice of establishing conscious daily intentions, we can encourage our heart and mind to work together as we move toward true fulfillment of our full potential.
Following the right path
Focusing on gradual and incremental steps works, but only if we follow the course. For most of us, doing it alone is unsustainable. We can prepare for success by seeking support and accountability that will help us not to falter along the way.
Sharing a GWI with a partner or confidant can be helpful. When you declare your goal to someone, make sure they will be there to inform you about your progress and celebrate your victories along the way. You can further formalize this informal responsibility by joining a group whose members can help you stay on track.
Hiring a coach is another way to inject structure, support, and accountability into your daily routine. Whatever strategy you adopt, be prepared for success, avoiding the pitfalls of standard New Year’s resolutions. Stay grounded in the present and in the process, balancing long-term goals with daily intentions.
We are all drawn to the promise of a new beginning that the new year seems to offer. Intentional goals are a more holistic and sustainable way to welcome this opportunity.