I know I often write about my problems with Teslas: of which Jo to own lots of – but I really think the basic design, transmission, battery technology and packaging of your cars are excellent and I appreciate commitment to ridiculous things. I’m all for having fun with nonsense in cars. And it looks like people have discovered something fun and silly in their Teslas. Even better, involves holes. However, I have a conceptual problem with this crazy Easter-related egg. I’ll tell you.
This is what the Easter egg does: if you use your Tesla’s voice commands, you can say “open the hole” in the car and the charging port mounted on the rear marker light will open.
This seems to have been discovered by Twitter user @tesla_master, who I assume is actually a Tesla master, as he even thought of telling his car to open the hole for him, for some reason.
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I wonder if the car safety word is “lie?” This is what I would use.
Anyway, it looks like the Tesla owner has confirmed that Tesla owners are having fun telling their cars to drill holes:
It also looks like “bunghole” may work for these open / close commands, and there are a number of other slightly risky commands you can give Tesla if you feel cheeky:
Okay, this is fun and I’m delighted that both the engineers and the owners are having a good laugh here, but I think there’s something very important, conceptually, that needs to be taken into account here:
The loading port is no the equivalent of a hole. It’s really the equivalent of mouth.
I mean, think about it: basically, the anus is an escape port. In the case of most animal life equipped with anus (unlike a sewer, which is a kind of breeding / waste port of general use), it is used to expel waste, either gaseous or solid.
At the other end of the food channel is the mouth, which is used for support intake.
So what is the charging port of a Tesla for? It’s lift! It is supplying electricity a the car, which is, in effect, the equivalent of food.
Even if we look at the case where a The Tesla charging port could be used to power something else, such as putting electricity on the grid, is closer to a mother bird that regurgitates food to feed its babies. It is not waste, it is sustenance, it is only redirected to the outside.
It’s not the first time I’ve considered the role of the anus in relation to cars; for ICE cars, I have previously stated that the exhaust pipes are the anus of combustion cars:
Although the technologies are different, the concepts are the same: in an ICE car, the port where the supply enters (fuel) is the mouth (fuel filling) and the port where the waste products are expelled is the anus (exhaust pipe).
In an electric vehicle, the port where the sustenance enters is the mouth (charging port) and, for waste products, it is a bit more complicated, because the waste is actually produced at the point where the electricity is generated in first: a coal plant or a nuclear power plant or whatever.
But, the best thing about electric vehicles is that there may not be any real hole in the system, if the electricity comes from solar or wind or tidal power or something.
In the car itself, the closest thing to a waste product is probably the heat, so for a Tesla, I would say the hole is really the cooling system.
I know the charging port is in the back of the car, but I don’t think I can stand the analogization of the charging port of an EV like an asshole.
Sorry. I know you have a good time and everything, though anthropomorphization of cars it’s too important to me, and as a self-proclaimed tsar for the anthropomorphization of vehicles in this country, I must decree that the charging ports of electric vehicles, regardless of their location, be mouths, not anus.
I trust Tesla will update this in its next antenna update. If they still need something vaguely dirty to call it, maybe they can. “mouth open in the ass“O”open electron hole“O”say aaaah“.
Hm. “say aaahh”It works best to visually open the front trunk. Still, I keep my point here: if support is needed, it’s not a hole.
I mean, I eat stuff and I can be a butthole, but that’s how it is different, caram.