The first child debuts challenges. Many parents feel overwhelmed by worries and problems they have never faced. The following strategies can help you.
Have you had your first child and feel like you’re doing everything wrong? Many parents have difficulties when the new member of the family arrives. After all, there is no manual for early parents and many challenges are faced without an instruction book. Thus, it is common for problematic situations to arise.
You may think that you are the only one who has this doubt. However, a simple internet search will make you understand that this is not the case. Most questions about parenting are “already invented.”
The life of early parents
Often, those who are going to have a first child or already have one, experience serious emotional disturbances. A study carried out at the Hospital Clínic Barcelona indicated that one in five mothers will suffer from a perinatal psychological disorder. Similarly, other research has shown that early parents tend to suffer from high levels of anxiety and stress.
All this is due to the fact that the arrival of a baby represents a drastic and permanent change in their lives. In this sense, every couple is a world and the same for children, so they all face different challenges. However, there are common situations that everyone goes through and that make parenting even more complicated.
Luckily, being frequent circumstances, they have already been well studied and it is possible to work on solutions. For this reason, we will study these problems a little more in depth and give you some ideas to solve them.
Frequent problems of early parents
Many times society feeds an ideal: in fatherhood everything is joy. This creates a problem for parents because in reality, raising children generates worries, stress and other emotions that have a negative valence. As a result, early parents may feel guilty for being overwhelmed or tired.
However, this does not determine your abilities as a parent. It’s important to remember that you’re a human being and not a tireless machine that doesn’t need to sleep or eat; in fact, you’re much more flexible – no one has scheduled you. In addition, your feelings and needs also deserve to have a place in the parenting process.
1. Sleep problems
Lack of sleep is one of the most common problems among those who have their first child. Richter et al (2019) developed research to study sleep duration and satisfaction before, during, and after pregnancy. Following this line, it was concluded that parents do not regain their normal sleep levels until six years after delivery.
Sometimes lack of sleep has to do with the accumulation of obligations and other times with anxiety. Either way, the birth of the first baby has a significant impact on the quality of the rest.
2. Lack of intimacy as a couple
Because of all the responsibilities that come with a child, early parents get to put their privacy aside. Over time, this circumstance can cause certain friction in the couple and therefore it is necessary to address them.
In 2019, the company Leesa conducted a survey to assess the quality of sex in parents. As a result, it was found that 46% of respondents report a decrease in satisfaction with their sex life after the baby is born.
3. Inequality in the distribution of responsibilities
With the integration of the little one into the home, tasks and responsibilities multiply. Thus, couples often have trouble distributing obligations equally; in addition, it often also happens that one does not have time to see what the other is doing, which can end in an exchange of reproaches and the individual feeling that they are taking the worst part.
It should be noted that this is a common situation among parents of a first baby due to lack of experience. In general, with the natural adjustments that time produces many of these conflicts are resolved.
4. Fear of failing or doing wrong
The responsibility of caring for a newborn raises levels of stress and anxiety in parents, especially early ones. Because of this, many develop a constant fear of failing in parenting or making mistakes. The consequence is that self-esteem decreases.
In some cases, these kinds of thoughts are related to false expectations about parenting. In this way, early parents believe that any slight mistake could harm the baby severely.
5. Differences in parenting styles
Parents often disagree on how children should be raised. Everyone uses different ideas about what to do or not to do and this can lead to discussions. Along the same lines, the situation could be further aggravated when third parties such as grandparents or others become involved.
Tools for early parents
You’ve probably identified with one or more of the situations we saw earlier and are wondering what to do. As we mentioned to you at the beginning, there is no magic formula for being perfect parents, no one is.
The first thing they need is to be patient and kind to themselves, just as they are to their baby. Then, they have to face one problem at a time, instead of trying to cover it all at once. The following strategies may be helpful in reducing the negative impact of parenting.
Seek help from a family member or trusted person
Having the support of another is a useful tool to prevent the physical and emotional wear and tear of parenting. It is common to seek help from family members, such as grandparents or uncles. The goal is to have time to rest and attend to other responsibilities or even spend time as a couple.
Attend workshops on family and parenting
There are institutions that have useful programs dedicated to parenting and family issues. Attending could help them develop new tools to address these issues that to new parents seem like a world away.
Go to psychological support
Throughout this article, we have seen that the birth of the first child has consequences both physically and psychologically. While most find their own ways to manage stress and anxiety, they may also lose control or feel overwhelmed by circumstances. In these cases, having the guidance of a psychologist or psychotherapist is key.
Alterations such as postpartum depression, generalized anxiety, or chronic stress are more common than previously thought. In addition, they affect both men and women.
For this reason, it is recommended that early parents go to psychotherapy if they feel overwhelmed. This does not mean that they are failing or are incompetent in parenting. In return, acknowledging their limitations and seeking help will end up benefiting their children as well.
Source: The Mind is Wonderful.-