Shanghai, China.
From his Shanghai office, the marriage counselor Zhu Shenyong gives live recommendations via multiple phones simultaneously to an eager audience to save their relationships. With the increase in divorces in China it is very busy.
On the wall of the agency has a mantra hanging: “Let there be no bad marriages under heaven.” But in the earthly reality when customers ask for help, it is because they are already in crisis.
“I always say that marriage counseling in China is like treating advanced cancer,” says Zhu, 44, whose sessions can attract 500 spectators.
“Most of my clients want to save the marriage, a minority plans to divorce, but they all want advice on the right decision they need to make,” adds the man, who made it known on social media that he wins one million yuan (128,000 euros, $ 152,000) a year.
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Her mission is to “avoid avoidable divorces,” but Zhu is realistic and mostly tries to file roughships during a breakup, for the sake of the children.
Family pressure, an ultra-competitive society, rising property prices or problems caring for children are some of the reasons that push Chinese to move away from marriage, especially young people, who prioritize personal freedom.
“From a positive point of view, divorce is a reflection of a civilized society and an awakening of women,” says Zhu, who cites extramarital affairs and economic problems as the main reasons for the breakup.
A month of reflection
in front of the worrying decline in birth rates, Authorities instead encourage residents to get married and no longer separate. Last year a new mandatory 30-day “reflection period” was introduced for couples in the process of divorce. Before the deadline was one day.
The goal is to prevent “impulsive” divorces, but some rights advocates fear it will harm women victims of violent marriages, especially because the term can be extended indefinitely at the request of one of the couple’s members.
“The period of reflection has become a period of aggression, which deviates completely from the original idea,” says Wang Youbai, a Canton lawyer.
“It is extremely unfair for victims of gender-based violence (…) trying to escape an unhappy marriage,” he adds. Divorces that end up before a judge take a year or two, according to Yi Yi, a Beijing lawyer, and the cost is higher.
Many provinces have imposed mandatory consultations for tens of thousands of young couples or those on the verge of divorce. According to Wuhan City Council (center), in January the “reflection period” saved two out of three marriages.
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In Beijing there are councilors permanently in marriage registration offices and 43,000 couples have benefited from them since 2015, with a success rate of “over 60%,” the municipality says.
That help came too late for a 36-year-old Shanghai official, divorced since last summer, who calls himself Wallace.
“For those who really want a divorce, (mediation) is a mere formality,” says Wallace, who attributes the failure of his to the interference of his in-laws.
Draw lots
This man is part of the disillusioned youth with the marriage the government wants to convince him to marry.
“Some get married to get married, without wondering if they will be able to accept their partner’s flaws,” Wallace analyzes, adding that many of his friends are concerned about the issue of marriage and divorce.
“If you knew that one in two marriages fails, would you still risk it?” Wallace asks. Pressure is constant, especially among women, to marry young and have children, but they are increasingly refusing to give in.
“For seniors, divorce meant no one wanted you (…) but for my generation it’s a personal choice,” says Vivien, 31, who got married after an idyll.
“It’s not embarrassing, in return, we admire those who manage to divorce.”