Every friday Club AV employees open the weekly open thread for discussion about game plans and recent game glories, but of course the real action lies in the comments, where we invite you to answer our eternal question: What are you playing this weekend?
Today is Christmas, the annual celebration that asks us to contemplate what really matters in life, that is, humanity’s decades-long obsession with murdering Santa Claus, the present hatred of the elf who passes his immortal days judging us, subdividing the species into the naughty and the bad. nice, and it’s usually a horrible stain on the planet dominating from its lair, sitting literally on top of the planet. Luckily (and seriously, we always say that), there are video games, which means we can translate some of our demands against Santa into action during these holidays. As such, we immersed ourselves in the tub of the idea that it’s the Steam shelf to take out all the most appealing Santa-based games, most of which at least offer the chance to see Jolly Old Saint Nick spill his metaphorical bowl full of jelly on the cold, intense snow.
In case we were totally buried in the joy of Yuletide, however, we set some rules for this summary. First, the games had to be cheap (because no one wants to have a Holly Jolly HR meeting about our efforts to spend a $ 45 puzzle package for this fool What do you play? bit). They could not be in virtual reality, as we would therefore like to know it up close Santa Sling, Santa simulatorand other good Santa Virtual products, we just don’t have the hardware to do them justice. And they should be – and that’s always a problem when you get on the cheaper side of Steam deals – no super fun, which removed anime bids such as Sakura Santa, Santa girls, Strip Black Jack: Santa Babe, Bring me a Santa man, and of course Big sack of Santa Claus, the game that dares to ask its Steam marketing copy: “Are you a simp for Santa?”
Anyway, that’s what we thought, so let’s dive in. The fat man makes it happen.
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Price: Free
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Only on the victory screen, but yes slaps.
Have you ever wondered, “What if Fortnite took place in a single land square, where stout men fight with katanas to become the next Santa after the previous one died in a sled of fire? If so, this game is for you. Did you create this game? It is disconcerting to imagine that several people would ask themselves a question that would lead to this especially violent and stark adoption. Santa Claus.
Price: Free
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Constantly.
“Oh, neat,” you say to yourself, “A lo-fi-themed Christmas bet Metal Gear“Wait,” you ask yourself a few minutes later, “why does Santa have ‘sleep dust’ to get the rebellious children out?” Did that old woman wake up and kill Santa? Why are yours landmines? God, Dracula is here, and he’s crazy about his gifts! An emotional, fascinating roller coaster would not be missing.
Price: Free $ 1.99 extension Kyle is famous
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Tragically absent
A pay-per-view expansion to John Szymanski’s immensely weird text game Kyle is famous, KIS it starts with the headline Kyle expelling from his body dozens of horrible meat-consuming elves and just walks away from there. Will you put people in Kyle-Santa’s life on the naughty or friendly list? Do you create a wide variety of apocalypse causing reindeer and gifts to come out of Kyle’s neck? Will he be usurped as the true symbol of Christmas by a woman who has a serious allergic reaction to all this damn elf cap? Only time will tell, dear reader. The choice … is yours.
Price: Free, with paid DLC
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? No, but the main theme of the battle is a beautiful rendition of “Away In A Manger.”
Let’s be honest here: we were a little worried that this free RPGMaker title might violate our “no fun” rule, which happens to the unregulating length of Mrs. Santa’s skirt. Still, the actual content is healthy enough (make or take a risky joke about the “snowballs” here or there), while Lady Santa descends into an ice-filled cavern to return the North Pole toys to Father Noel can make them reach the people of time. Last night was “egg night”, so you need to rest, especially since your relationship with the a lot The younger-looking Lady Santa is a very literal May-December romance.) Extra points for giving Mrs. S an attack called “Seasonal Beats” to throw shit at thieves with a little touch of Yuletide.
Price: $ 6.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? There is no MIDI here; this is the game where you interpret “Jingle Bells,” in the metal styles he was always destined to achieve.
The premise of Santa Rockstar it’s simple: a generic metal boy finds Santa dead after crashing his sleigh (a shockingly recurring motif in these games), and becomes the new Santa Claus by sticking his electric guitar on the corpse of the old elf dead and crawling. Then spread the Christmas spirit by playing Guitar hero, except on a computer keyboard, and with metal adopts “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”. (You can connect a USB Guitar hero guitar for a more “authentic” holiday grind, though.) Plus, all the reindeer now have earrings, which are, in fact, very metallic.
Price: $ 0.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? We don’t really know what Christmas song is trying to be the only clue in the game, but we do know: it lasts about 30 seconds, is extremely irritating, and will continue to loop until you are either dead.
The most interesting thing about this extremely simple platform game is the way in which the underlying tensions of the supposedly peaceful North Pole are described, such as the forces of winter: reindeer, ice and a snowman with a bad case. perverted face—Try to prevent your ostensible owner, a Santa Claus with butter fingers, from picking up all his fallen toys and taking them to a series of inexplicable independent fireplaces. A creepy portrait of the class conflict between the masses who make gifts.
Price: $ 0.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Right on the title screen.
Look: should I have eaten Santa’s Christmas cookies, which had clearly been left for him? Probably not. Does that justify hiding in my bathroom, making me jump, and dragging myself into some kind of Christmas maze that I can feel him running after me at all times, hoping he really scares the shit out with a second jump? I would say this was one excessive reaction, Santa Claus. Stop playing Slim, do some anger control classes and try again next Christmas.
Price: $ 0.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Somehow, unlikely: no.
A very simple push game, Santa’s workshop it has two notable features: a pink version of Santa’s cookies that seems to have been ordered directly from a Precious Moments catalog and a player avatar that is, oddly enough, a snowflake. How is the snowflake pushing the toy cars and sweets that have forced you to give to the boxes? Is it a different snowflake in each level, glued to a kind of ice crystal? Does Santa have dark powers over ice and winds, or is the snowflake paid for that shit? These are the questions that keep us going at night.
Price: $ 0.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? Oh, you better believe it, because nothing says “Let’s throw Santa Claus to the testicles” like a hard-rock loop of “Jingle Bells”
Look, no one says that fun to sign up for a ruthless horde of Santas, pull the trigger, and then be played with love, Sniper Elite– Shots that show you all the damage you have done to Santa’s liver, brain or lungs; this would be sociopathic. But it’s kind of satisfactory. (Even if you have to kill, way too much, too Santa), the singular “el” in the title is an incorrect name, to get your hands on any of the Keys teams that exceed the levels of the game.
Price: $ 0.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? With enthusiasm. No rest, no penance, perversely tan.
How did Santa get the zombie technology? Why do their zombie elves hate Christmas? Why do they look like these penguins that have gone out of their minds? None of these questions are answered in this furiously slow tower defense game, even if the idea of unleashing “Rudolph’s Rage” to kill a bunch of zombie elves with a laser is true, bloody and themed holiday theme, it is no longer.
Price: $ 4.99
“Jingle Bells” MIDI loop? None! In fact, the music in the game is evenly enjoyable.
One of the pleasures of making one of these large collections of small and almost invisible games is that you get the occasional gem. Santacraft it’s not amazing: it’s essentially a winter-themed riff in games like Don’t starve or Forager-But is surrounded by pixel art charm and a pleasant feeling of kindness. Apparently, not all Santa Clauses have to die – some may coexist with nature. A lesson hard to internalize, but healthy, though.