Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often run into another partner at our favorite trough. They are very friendly and we seem to like them a lot, but they are always absolutely plowed when we see them.
The husband will look at something and say it over and over again. The last time we met them, he told me to stop crossing my arms because it was a defensive position. He even called it from all over the room.
I am 62 years old and I will cross my arms whenever I want. But, more seriously, he made some very specific and timely remarks about my boyfriend’s body. Yes, my boy is very handsome, but he was completely inadequate and creepy.
I’m so grateful my boyfriend didn’t hear it, but he did.
How can I close it if it happens again?
Go back, friend
Dear friend: Keep in mind that people who wear beer glasses usually have no perception of depth.
The fact that this scary couple sticks to you and you seem to like them a lot doesn’t force you to like them in return.
The best way to respond to a drunk person in a bar is to politely ignore him. I am not suggesting trying to reason with him or engaging in any kind of pun: this will only add fire to his alcohol-powered feedback circuit; it could also infuriate him.
The next time these two very nice people throw at you while you are plowing and you don’t like them, you might say, “We’ll sit here and have a private chat now. Be careful when you get home, right? “
Dear Amy: Last week, my husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital.
The first weeks of his physiotherapy are performed in our house. The first session was today.
Everything went well and when it was time for her to leave, the therapist asked if my husband wanted to pray with her. He said this totally depended on him.
He said yes, said a little prayer and left.
I was blown away. Is it something new?
I have seen many health professionals and no one he has never asked me to pray with them.
We live in the biblical belt, so I thought this might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray for myself
Dear, I will pray: My research on this has led me to read several studies on the practice of prayer among health workers and patients. While most seem to reflect attitudes toward patients asking health care workers to resent them, one study reflected a situation similar to your husband’s.
Citing a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray for their health. However, when they are admitted to the hospital, do patients want a prayer offer from a health care provider? This project made it possible to measure the responses of hospitalized patients to the offers of massage therapists of a colloquial prayer after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that obtained quantitative data. … In this sample, 88% accepted the prayer offer, 85% considered it useful, and 51% wanted to pray daily. Patients can accept the prayer, as long as the doctor shows “genuine kindness and respect.”
While it may be unusual, I don’t think it’s necessarily unethical for a health care provider to offer to pray with a patient, even at home. Doing so can help establish a connection between the therapist and the patient. Prayer can help relax the patient and “focus” their intentions toward their own health and recovery.
The offer may also seem coercive.
How did your husband feel about this practice? You should be prepared to respond before your next appointment.
A reminder that this is your treatment and that you decide how to manage it, no matter how you feel.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” he wrote in describing a Zoom-based baby shower that included more than 100 people.
For me, what made face-to-face showers tolerable was the food, delights, drinks, and joking with people at your table.
Without that, you just have to get over it.
No one should host any virtual event with more than 30 people. It’s nasty and impersonal. It is divided into smaller events.
Away
Dear Away: I continue to be amazed at the large number of people some people know.
Yes, smaller events are much better, whether virtual or real.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.