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It’s season to set goals for the new year. But why, when 64% of these resolutions will be abandoned after a month. Yes! Nearly two-thirds of our goals will be forgotten for a long time four weeks until 2021.
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This is a sad statistic, but before you throw in the towel and give up all hope, keep in mind these ideas that can instill lasting change during the new year and beyond:
Realistic goals cannot be set without values. But many of us try. Values are our guides. They determine what is most important in our lives and we usually spend most of our time serving them. If challenge and growth are your values, you’re likely to extend yourself with new experiences. If fitness and health are a value, you may have different gym members and sneakers for each workout. Values are not “due”. A “must” is something that usually comes from social pressure: “I should spend more time volunteering” or “I shouldn’t drink more than one glass of wine.” Often, these “should” become our goals, not because they are important to us, but because we believe in a belief around them (e.g., doing this will make me a better, healthier person, or one who agradi). But if these behaviors were important, why haven’t we started working toward them? Values are neither good nor bad, they just are. And if you’re loyal to yours, you’re likely to see that you’re already behaving in a way that fits your real goals.
Most goals are not a destination, but a journey of behaviors. Even if you have a measurable goal (which is highly recommended), sometimes external circumstances influence your ability to achieve it. That doesn’t mean you haven’t advanced. For example, if your resolution is to get a promotion at the end of the fourth quarter, but your company has just lost the biggest customer, your plans may be delayed. But not because you haven’t been doing your part to introduce yourself soon, taking on extensive projects and visibly demonstrating leadership skills. Your efforts are not wasted because an unexpected obstacle appears. Keep the course and if the door has closed on your current organization, these new skills will be valued by another employer. Also, once you reach your goal, you can’t abandon the change in behavior or maybe go back to the first place. Just ask anyone who has lost 10 pounds of weight just after going back to the old way of eating.
Don’t be fooled by the easy answer. We’ve been tricked a bit: behaviors don’t become automatic habits if we do them constantly for 21 days (but boy would that be great!). Replacing one habit with another may work, but it depends a lot on behavior, and just because a goal is SMART doesn’t mean it’s infallible. The truth is that there is no single solution, and sometimes we commit ourselves so easily in technique (or in application), that we find it difficult when it does not end up being infallible. Behavior change requires planning, commitment, and usually sacrifice. Replacing designer coffee with a homemade beer can be a great way to save money, but it can also mean missing out on a mid-morning Starbucks race with your peers. It sounds easy on paper, but it may not actually work. So when you set a goal, do it to see what impacts you the most and if the effects of the ripple are sustainable. Otherwise, you may return to the top position, satisfied with your Venti Frappuccino, but still insisting on your empty wallet.
Your environment plays a more important role than you think. Those around us don’t want us to change because that means that theirs the world also changes. This can be difficult if you have decided to cut back on sugar, but your partner fills the cupboards with cookies. Or if you want to be home for dinner with your family during the week, but your colleagues are continually scheduling late meetings. Because it’s not always possible to switch to a new environment, if you have a goal that directly conflicts with your environment, you may need to make additional sacrifices for it to work or potentially modify your goal. For example, maybe your spouse can store candy in the office or somewhere less accessible? Or maybe you promise to be open for late meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but not the other evenings? This can be a difficult hurdle, but once you understand the influence your environment has on achieving your goals, you will be able to develop a creative solution.
This is not the time to think big. It may seem strange as we are used to being told that we create BHAG (big bold and hairy targets), but often this is exactly what is fired. Trying to make too many simultaneous or too many changes in areas of our lives (e.g., work, relationships, health, etc.) is often a recipe for failure. Instead, why not modify what already works to improve it? Or try motivational pairing, where you add a new (perhaps difficult) habit to an existing habit to drive you to make the change (e.g. my personal rule is that I can only watch a movie if I’m working, so if I’m really looking forward to logging into Netflix, at least I have a good workout). Motivational matching will increase your awareness of incorporating a change in behavior, while increasing your chances of implementing it.
We measure the wrong things. Do you really want to get a graduate degree or are you not sure what your next career goal is? Will losing 15 pounds make you the happiness you want or is it an easier goal than facing your anxiety? These are difficult questions that most of us would rather not face. But the fact is that we take thousands of choices every day (more than 30,000 actually) and most of these options are at the service of one main human goal: to increase joy and reduce pain. But is this new gadget the answer? Will drinking eight glasses of water really make you healthier? For each of us the answer is different. As for me, I would love to to say I’ve run a marathon, but I don’t feel like spending time training there. This probably explains why it has been on the resolution list more than once without completing it.
Without a doubt, the new year is the perfect time to reflect on the last twelve months and plan for the next 12. Maybe this year you can try something new to bring about lasting change.
Happy hunting!
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