The researchers found that people dealing with impending breakups began using the pronouns “I” and “us” more frequently up to three months before their breakup.
In general, the language of people who were breaking up with a partner, as well as those who were breaking up, also became less formal and more personal. According to researchers, these changes may express a drop in analytical thinking and an increase in cognitive processing.
“These are signs that someone is carrying a heavy cognitive load,” said Sarah Seraj, MS, lead author and doctoral candidate in psychology. “They’re thinking or working through something and they’re focusing more on themselves.”
In general, depressed or sad people can start using the word “I” more often, Seraj explained. “When people are depressed, they tend to focus on themselves and are unable to relate to others.”
The researchers found that people showed these changes in language even when they were discussing issues that were completely unrelated to relationships, showing how in a general way a breakup can affect someone’s life on a subconscious level.
Although these patterns began to decline after six months for most people, the language of some users did not return to normal until a year after the breakup. Those who took longer to overcome the rupture were more likely to tell their rupture history for months after it happened, which researchers believe made it harder for them to heal.